Clandestine
by JustBFree
Summary: Horatio and Julia meet in secret. One-shot.


"You deserve this, let me, let me…"

Her closeness swarmed him with her scent, her warmth. Her lips pressed to his, then to his jaw, the pulse in his throat. She could feel his body shiver as her teeth grazed his earlobe, and she watched as his resistance eased against the tide of his desire. Horatio Caine, the savior of Miami, a clever, experienced asset to the police force- it was all nonsense. Horatio Caine was just a man in the end, one who had denied himself the pleasure and oblivion that only a woman could give him. This woman had shared it with him before, and was determined to do so again.

"You want this, I know you do. Let it happen. You've fought for so long…"

Her whispered pleas worked into his mind, dissolving his strict sense of self-control. It was not the fullness of her lips or her pert breasts which drew him, but her hands. Stroking over his chest, kneading the tension from his shoulders; it had been so long since a woman had given him this, this sense of enveloping peace with gentle strokes and touches. It had been so long since anyone had touched him with more than simple friendly affection. Her hands expressed concern, desire for him. He hadn't felt needed as a man since...

He needed it, he'd needed it for so long, and been so long denied.

She pushed him back, breaking down all reservations, ignoring his weakening protests. She had him, and he knew it. Horatio floated on a bed of soft, cool linen while her magic fingers did away with the knotted tie, the buttons, buckle and zipper. His shirt and jacket had been done away with, she had opened him to her gaze and touch.

Her hands again, stroking him to full arousal, awakening something in him that had become unfamiliar: the dark, hot animal of lust. He opened his eyes and glared at her, almost angry in his desire. Thier lips met, hungrily. No longer was he hesitant, allowing her control over him in a daze. His fingers curled, claw-like, as he moved her beneath him, ripping the clothes from her body. His eyes devoured her, taking in every change since he had last seen her like this. He moved quickly, his voice low as he commanded her to spread her legs for his entry.

She complied eagerly, her every hope met. He moved against her, harder, harder as her well-trained muscles absorbed his assault, his pain, allowing him to forget the world and the hell he'd seen, allowing him to know only the comfort and pleasure of her body.

Some time later, he collapsed atop her and she welcomed his slack weight as reassurance that she'd performed to his liking. She speared her fingers through his hair, relishing the flash of color as it hit the light coming in from her window. She had missed this, and known that it would be good between them. It always had been in the past.

Horatio summoned strength and rose onto his elbows, looking down on her. He smoothed the hair from her face, traced her jawline. "This was a mistake."

He claimed it a mistake, but the man made no move away from her. He remained atop her, within her, holding her captive with his eyes.

She arched, touching his lips with her own. Horatio did not resist the light kiss. "You enjoyed it."

He paused then, his eyes taking her in. "Yes." It was a shameful admission for a man like him, but true nonetheless. He shook his head. "That doesn't make it right. This can't happen again."

She stroked her fingers through his hair again, knowing he liked it. "Why? You saved my life. We can-"

"Don't say it."

"Whenever you want, for however long you want."

Horatio closed his eyes, willing away the images creeping into his mind, visions of writhing female flesh taking away the pain and misery he encountered every day. It would be bliss on tap, but he knew better than to be fooled. She might offer herself to him, but what would that make him if he accepted?

"Don't say that."

"Horatio. If this is the only way I can be good for you, then let me. After everything you've done, all that you've fought for, you deserve this. You know you do."

"Stop."

"Don't tell me to stop. You know I'm right. You need this, let me-"

"I said no. It was a mistake for us to be together years ago, it's a disaster for us to try again now."

Despite all Horatio was saying, his body wouldn't allow him to leave hers. They laid there, together, resting. It was his day off, a Saturday. It was a mistake, but one he had made several times already. He had committed his life to justice, but where this woman was concerned...

He closed his eyes at the feel of her fingers spearing through his hair, massaging him the way she had when they'd been true lovers. Now, he saw her every gesture as a mockery to what they'd once been, but it wasn't enough to make him stop enjoying her touch. He sighed and dropped his head to plant a small kiss over her shoulder.

"You've said no to me before, Horatio. We might be a recipe for disaster when we're together, but you came to me, you want this. I know your every reason why this shouldn't happen, but I just wish you would stop pretending it won't happen again. You like me too much." She'd added the last bit as a gentle tease, to prevent him from becoming angry. In her experience, combining a man with anger and sex usually led to violence.

Beside her, Horatio chuckled, the sound deep and welcome. "Sure. I won't leave because I like you too much. And you love me, right? We should just go get married, the way we'd planned. If that doesn't shock Miami, nothing will."

She wished he hadn't brought up the part about the plans they'd made to marry; he'd been playing the part of John, playing her for a fool, all the while just trying to get information to report back to his masters on the police force. She knew the truth now but it didn't make the past any less painful.

Julia sighed and closed her eyes as he kissed her again. "Horatio. You're fooling yourself. This might not be right but it will happen again. The way I feel when you're here...it's the same for you."

He brought his hand to her face, stroking her jawline and cheekbone. His hand was soft. "I know, Julia. You think I never considered it? That we could be...more than this? That we could be together, that we could be there for Kyle? I've thought about it. I just don't think I can trust you."

He wasn't telling her anything that she didn't already know- they had had this conversation several times already. "I know. I can be happy with this, I'll have to be. I just wish things were different."

"So do I. But they aren't."

Horatio finally withdrew from her then, moving away to lie beside her. Julia's eyes held his, and for awhile they could only watch each other. His cell phone interrupted the gentle peace of her bedroom. Julia rolled her eyes slightly. "It's your day off, tell them to solve their own crimes."

He smiled and shook his head. "You just want me around to help with your storm windows. Duty calls, Jules."

"The windows and a few other things I can think of." She said, hinting. Horatio only winked.

She turned over as Horatio answered the call, and watched as he scribbled an address on the notepad she kept on her nightstand. Before she knew it, Horatio was up and dressed, ready to tackle another case. Julia followed him to the front door in her robe. He kissed her on his way out, the way a normal husband would part with his wife.

Julia sighed as she closed the door behind him. Theirs was a bizarre situation, she knew, but it was the best she could hope for.

_For now_, she thought with a smile.


End file.
